I don't need a DNA test to figure out that Tommy is of the canine species, that his unique conformation is pookie face, bat ears that show at least five expressions (sad, happy, hungry, adorable and aren't-you-giving-me-some-of-that-toast? I also know that can run that 100 pound-butt around the yard and use the same weight and height to stretch out diagonally across the bed leaving it impossible to sleep comfortably.
Beyond that, I can't wait to see what the test shows me. I hope it's specific in certain breeds since pit bull is a phrase that can mean a handful of different types of dogs. The American Kennel Club calls their version the American Staffordshire Terrier. You'll stand corrected the first time you tell an owner you love their pit bull. Uhhh, he's not a Pit Bull they spit out like they are literally spitting out a peach pit.
There's been dog DNA testing for years. I waited until they finally completed the genome of larger breeds. But it seems like completing that genetic strandTommy's DNA is finding a DNA testing kit in Memphis and keeping the little bristle sticks balanced in the box.
Checked three places this weekend for DNA kits. Nope. My plan was to buy a couple different brands to see if the results were similar. I finally found one at PetSmart. Wisdom Panel 2.0. Apparently, DNA tests are in such low demand, that the pet store chain keeps only one box in stock locked in the store manager's office. Cost: $97.49. Plus tax: $107.51. Yep, more than $100 bucks to find out what kind of breeds this big lug might be mixed with.
It's the most-asked question asked about this boy. I've never taken him out walking or for a car ride without someone asking about him. Truth is that I've always wanted to know myself. So here I am, waiting until the timer started ticking on his life, to check it out.
It says it takes three weeks to get the results. That's my first red flag. THREE WEEKS? Since most pet stores don't carry them and the ones that do keep one in stock locked in the manager's office, how busy are they?
I checked the mailing label to see if I was sending it to the mountains of Tibet. Nope, Lincoln Nebraska.
So I open the package and pull out the Easy-to-Follow Instructions.
They are easy.
1. Open swab sleeve. Take out swab.
2. Firmly roll the swabs bristles between the inner surface of the cheek and gums about 15 seconds. One Sugarplum Fairy. Two, Sugarplum Fairy. Three, Sugarplum Fairy. Four, sugarplum fairy. I made it to about the 12th Sugarplum Fairy before he started waving that big head around like he was going to snap my swab in two.
3. I stood the little swab, in one of two holes provided in the box. The picture shows them standing pencil straight. Mine kept teetering. I was afraid they were going to fall in the floor and be snatched up by the beagle, the equivalent of flushing $107.45 down the drain.
4. I managed to get the second swab in with a bit of a fuss. For Pete's sake, I wasn't expressing his anal glands (don't know about that? Google it.) He couldn't just tolerate a few turns of a swab between the cheeks and the gums. I put them back in the sleeve, but did not reseal the sleeve as this can cause bacterial growth. Okay.
I was just about to log on to the website to get Tommy registered and receive my confirmation label, when my caught the smaller font of a more important message labeled IMPORTANT, which I failed to read, because I went straight to the larger No. 1 message of "Open Swab Sleeve."
IMPORTANT: Please wait approximately 2 hours after a meal or treat to begin my dog's DNA Collection.
WHAT?
WHAT?
I call a foul. How could you put information like that in a smaller font, up under boldly labeled illustrations?
Just an hour ago, Tommy ate his Rachel Ray kibble, mixed with CocoLicious canned food, Duck flavor. That was followed by five marshmallows stuffed with medicine and peanut butter.
Who wants to bet that his DNA shows he's a cross between a Mallard and a cashew?
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